| The truth |
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| 01:55am 13/12/2007 |
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Once again, I'm tossed out. I wonder if this is just Greeley's way of getting rid of some of us. Who knows what could happen in a month? I've made a lot of progress here, and I've actively been trying to get out for a while, maybe this is my chance. but the idea of leaving this place is still a bit odd. I'll admit now that I never intended to leave when I checked in. Everything I've said about my illnesses both mental and physical have pretty much been a lie. I'm sorry. Some of you were so nice to me, but I guess I just wanted to make everyone really care. Hell, in the end it seemed to push more people away than attract them. I guess crazy people aren't ones to pity others. If anything, I should have been pitying you. I guess I am crazy too though. I don't know why this started or how to stop it, but I'll do my best not to lie anymore. I never really made any friends while I was here, and I regret that now because as much as I want to say goodbye to all the people I won't be seeing for the next month, I don't think anyone would really miss me. I've watched and studied you all though, and I probably know a lot more about your illnesses than you ever imagined, and I honestly believe there isn't a single person who has no hope left. I'll be transferring out in a few days, that way I'll be settled in by Christmas.Good luck, I'll see you all again soon.
Nadia Van Naustrum |
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7 kind words - Show some sympathy |
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| 05:05pm 01/10/2007 |
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I knew I shouldn't have trusted him. He didn't want to help me. He just wanted to get rid of me. He thought if I was better then he wouldn't have to deal with me anymore. Now he doesn't have to worry about that though. He's in control of who goes where so he just sent me off to another doctor. He's just like all the doctors I've had before him. And all the foster parents. I'm nothing, but a pay check to them. I'm tired of this place. I want to be released. I'm hoping it won't be too hard to convince my new doctor to release me. |
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4 kind words - Show some sympathy |
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| 01:58pm 28/05/2007 |
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The more sessions I have with my doctor, the more I hate him. He wanted me to take a lie detector test. It was a ridiculous request. I wouldn't do it. Who knows what kind of questions he might have asked me? There are things about me that I don't want him to know. I really don't want him to know anything about me. He said he'd release me if I didn't take it. I think he's bluffing. He can't realease me for not cooperating with him. Not that I'm complaining, I would love to not have to ever see that guy again, but I just don't think that's going to happen.
( private ) |
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1 kind word - Show some sympathy |
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| 03:49pm 05/05/2007 |
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I have the worst cold. I can barely breath, my nose is so stuffed up and I still have chills. I asked to go to the infirmary, but the nurse wouldn't let me. I always thought nurses were nice, but not here, here they're bitches. This place is so lonely. It's hard for me to meet people since I'm always sick so I never have anything to do. This girl from the common room (sorry I forget your name) told me I should take up a new hobby. I don't know what to do though. There isn't a lot to work with here, and I can't really request anything because I can't afford to pay for it. What does everyone else do for fun? I know a lot of people read, but I'm not really a fan of reading, and I can never find any books that look good. Then there's chess. Chess it okay, but I can't play with myself. I can't paint or draw or anything like that, or play an instrument. Maybe someone should teach me how to play something. I know a lot of you know how to play instruments, one of you should teach me. |
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14 kind words - Show some sympathy |
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| 12:00pm 26/03/2007 |
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I've been feeling so cold lately. It should be getting warmer, but I'm just getting colder. Maybe I'm getting sick. I don't know. I should probably go to the infirmary, but they are never very helpful there. They need to get better doctors here, not just in the infirmary but the psychiatrists too. I hate mine, but maybe it's just Doctor Greely who's a total jerk, and not all the other doctors. |
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6 kind words - Show some sympathy |
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| 09:42pm 24/02/2007 |
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I know I'm supposed to update this more often but what am I supposed to say? Should I discuss what I did today? "I watched deal or no deal tonight and it made me cry because this lady got reunited with her family" It's true, but who really cares? Or maybe I'm supposed to talk about my feelings? "I cried because I have no family to be reunited with.My mom is god knows where and I doubt if anyone even knew who my father was." I was told as a child that my dad was this great man, and he loved my mom so much, but they just couldn't afford to keep me. We're all told that though. I know by now that dads are assholes, at least all the dads that I've had have been so chances are my real dad isn't any different. My mom loved me though, I know it. So there, I've updated. Can we just forget this ever happened? |
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3 kind words - Show some sympathy |
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| 01:01pm 28/06/2006 |
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Hi, I'm Nadia, I'm 21 and from New Haven. Most mornings I can't even get myself out of bed. I'm not sure what it is my life isn't perfect, but I've been told that I'm lucky. At 10 I was diagnosed with Cancer, but I survived. After 2 years of being in and out of the hospital I went into remission. People say I'm lucky to be alive, but I would rather be dead. I feel so empty, so alone, all the time. I cry all the time. I just feel like my whole life has been a waste, everyone would be better off if I was gone.So last week I threw myself down the stairs of a hotel where I was staying, I know it wasn't the greatest suicide attempt, but I wasn't thinking clearly at the time. Next time I try to kill myself I'll do a better job. |
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Show some sympathy |
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